Pam's Ponderings-Why Are Transwomen So Shady?

TransGriot Note:  Author Pamela Hayes graces us with more of her observations about trans life.


A few weeks ago, a trans woman asked me if I thought trans women were shady. She said when she started her transformation, she needed information about where to get hormones, electrolysis, everything trans. She said that a trans woman who was firmly ensconced in her transition could have been helpful, but wouldn‘t lift a hand to assist her.

I’ve heard that story a million times. “Erica” is a trans woman who was/is gorgeous, with a shapely figure, mountains of thick hair, ample boobs brought on by a daily dose of hormones. Erica was a knockout. She had the looks of a supermodel.

But her deep, mannish voice marred her good looks. Her voice told her story. She’d go in a store and clerks would smile warmly and say, “Yes, ma’am, can I help you?”

In a whisper, Erica would state her business and the clerks would  start frowning and go whisper something in the ear of another clerk.

Now, Erica‘s best girlfriend in the whole wide world, “Cathy” had a deep voice and she commissioned a doctor to do a procedure called voice modification surgery, which made Cathy’s deep voice light and feminine and helped with her self-esteem and made passing easier. Erica asked Cathy who did the surgery. Cathy vehemently denied having had anything done. According to Cathy, she took hormones and one morning, she woke up with a feminine voice.

Of course, Cathy is full of shit. I know from experience, surgery will soften your voice. But surgery doesn’t feminize your voice.

But why wouldn’t Cathy share the voice modification tip? Cathy was insecure and she didn’t want other trans women learning about voice modification because it would improve them and they may surpass Cathy.

In my opinion, Cathy’s behavior doesn’t make her shady. It shows that she’s insecure and there are plenty of natal women who are like that.

They’ll prepare a mouth-watering entrée, which receives rave reviews and if someone asks her for the recipe, she’ll claim that she pried the recipe out of a dear friend, who gave it to her on the condition that she not breath a word to anyone.

Or she'll claim it’s a family recipe. When in truth, she could have gotten it out of Woman’s World or Good Housekeeping. I’ve dealt with many women who pull these stunts. Or if she gives up the recipe, she'll omit one or two ingredients, which can drastically change the taste of the final product.

Women will go to a gifted colorist and if another woman says, “Oh, your hair looks wonderful. Who did it?” She’ll claim she did it herself or she went out of town and had it done.

So, you see trans women are no shadier than anyone else. I think they (we) are certainly more insecure.

Tales Of The Waria Documentary

Indonesia is the largest Muslim country population wise, and does have a trans community inside its borders called the waria..   A documentary has been produced by director Kathy Huang which follows three members of this community called  Tales Of The Waria.

The first video clip is of Kathy Huang describing her documentary and the second one is a trailer for it.  enjoy.

More Maryland Mickey D's Bathroom Transphobia

Here we go again.    Another Maryland transwoman who is getting transphobia served with her Big Mac.

A security guard is caught on tape at a McDonalds in Langley Park, MD denying use of the facilities to a transwoman.   This incident according to Denise LeClair of IFGE happened in January.



Address of the latest McDonald's with transphobia on the menu is 7911 New Hampshire Ave in Langley  Park, MD

 Ba ba ba ba ba, not lovin' it..

Think it's time to seriously consider coordinating a nationwide (or worldwide) trans pee-in at McDonald's.

Maine LD 1046 Update-Testimony From The Father Of ATrans Child

TransGriot Note:  Still keeping an eye on the anti trans bill LD 1046 in Maine, which would circumvent two Maine Human Rights Commission rulings in favor of trans people in the state and  legalize bathroom discrimination against trans people.     One of the people who testified against this bill in the recent public hearing is the father of the trans child the Maine Human Rights Commission stood up for and who Rep Ken Fredette (R) , who was on the Maine Human Rights Commission when that case was heard and voted against it, is trying to oppress.

Here is that father's testimony.

My name is Wayne Maines, I live in Old Town. I have a 13-year-old transgender daughter. In the beginning, I was not onboard with this reality. Like many of you I doubted transgender children could exist, I doubted my wife and I doubted our counselors and doctors. However I never doubted my love for my child. It was only through observing her pain and her suffering and examining my lack of knowledge about these issues did I begin to question my behavior and my conservative values. I learned that the medical standard of care requires parents seek assistance from a panel of experts. We did this and our team of doctors recommended my daughter to live fully as a girl. We cannot turn back now.When my daughter lost her privileges at school and both children and adults targeted her, I knew I had to change and I have never looked back.

When we moved to Maine, it was clear my daughter was transitioning from male to female with us or without us. She used the girl's bathroom with no fanfare; she was confident and very social. Her strong personality helped the entire school transition right along side of her. She was proud and secure with herself and when people asked at the young age of six she openly stated that she was a girl trapped in a boy's body.

The transformation was amazing, but her happiness would not last. Unfortunately the fears of others would destroy everything that our team of doctors, teachers, school counselors, friends and classmates had work so hard to establish.

I know that it is difficult for some of you to understand the needs of transgender children. You only need to spend some time with these kids to see that they are struggling and suffering beyond your imagination only because they are singled out and misunderstood. They are just like your children and grandchildren; they have the same hopes and the same dreams.

In the fifth grade because of significant negative exposure we had to take drastic measures to protect her from harm, including splitting our family up to go in hiding and we are not the only family that has had to do so. When she was told she could no longer use the appropriate bathroom her confidence and self-esteem took a major hit. Prior to this my daughter often said, "Dad being transgender is no big deal, my friends and I have it under control." I was very proud of her. It was only when adults became involved with their unfounded fears that her world would be turned upside down. "She came to me crying and asked, "Daddy what did I do wrong? Daddy please fix this?" That is what dads do -- we fix things. I had to break her heart and say, "You have not done anything wrong sweetie, but Mommy and I do not know how to fix this, but we will try."

Continuing to single these kids out is not necessary. Having the opportunity to use the bathrooms of their true gender is essential for these kids' well being. This bill places transgender children in a position of doom and hopelessness. This bill tells my daughter that she does not have the same rights as her classmates and reinforces her opinion that she has no future. Help me give her the future she deserves. Do not pass this bill.

Dallas County Adds Trans Protections

On a 3-2 party line vote this morning, the Dallas County Commissioners added trans protections to the county's non discrimination policy after 30 minutes of public commentary.

Voting for the successful proposal were Democrats Judge Clay Jenkins, Commissioner Dr. Elba Garcia and Commissioner John Wiley Price.    Voting against were the two Republicans commissioners Maurine Dickey and Mike Cantrell.

Note the interesting point trans community, that part of Dickey's district covers the Oak Lawn gayborhood.   She voted FOR the sexual orientation ones but AGAINST the trans community.  

Let's just say the next time I'm visiting my friends and relatives in Dallas I won't be eating or spending my money at Dickey's Barbecue anymore..  

“The community’s participation is what made this happen — the letters, the phone calls, the people who showed up here,” said Resource Center Dallas’ Rafael McDonnell to the Dallas Voice. “The fact that this was done in five weeks is what really surprises me. Five weeks is the blink of an eye in government time.”

Now the trans employees who are part of the 7000 person workforce of Dallas County have the same employment protections as everyone else.   

And the GL community has lived up to the principles that bear the city's name.

Showdown On Elm Street

In a few hours we'll find out if the trans residents of Dallas County, Texas will have their employment rights protected in the county non discrimination policy like the GL folks were back in March.

A County Order is part the Commissioners Court business that kicks off at 9 AM CDT, and it should be a packed house to witness this event. 

If you can attend, please do so because we can presume the haters will be there in force.   Dallas County Judge Clay Jenkins wants you to be at the County Administration building located at 411 Elm St. for what could be a historic day. 

We'll find out if they have and who the elusive third vote is to pass this.  .

If you want to remind those commissioners one more time to do the right thing and add gender identity to the non discrimination policy or thank Judge Jenkins and Commissioner Garcia for their hard work on this issue, as always, be nice and respectful while doing so.

County Judge Clay Jenkins – 214-653-7949
Email: Clay.Jenkins@DallasCounty.org
Dist. 1 Maurine Dickey – 214-653-7552
Email: Maurine.Dickey@DallasCounty.org
Dist. 2 Mike Cantrell – 214-653-6100
Email: MCantrell@DallasCounty.org
Dist. 3 John Wiley Price – 214-653-6671
Email: John.Price@DallasCounty.org
Dist. 4 Dr. Elba Garcia – 214-653-6670
Email: Elba.GarciaDDS@DallasCounty.org
 


Y'all need to do the right thing for Andy Moreno, Ms T-DART and other trans residents of Dallas County and pass this addition to the policy.    We are (or soon will be in Ms. Moreno's case) tax paying residents of Dallas County.

And yes, may I remind you we vote too.

Pam's Ponderings-Trans People Must Stand Up For Themselves

TransGriot Note:  Commentary from author Pamela Hayes

There has been so much buzz about the trans girl who was attacked and beaten by a couple of female thugs in a McDonald’s. I have not seen the video and I have no desire to watch footage of any person being punched, kicked, throttled or however the attack was administered.

A number of sites have reported the story, followed by comments galore. The poor child was disrespected when she was assaulted and many of the comments that followed were appalling and insensitive.

Conversely, there were some intelligent comments from people, who felt the beating was wrong, that the perpetrators should pull serious jail time.

The trans woman was accused of misleading people, called a freak and a he/she. Some folks said they felt no compassion for her. One man made an interesting comment about if a guy is going to live as a woman and if he doesn’t want any hassle or shit, that he better make sure that he can keep it on the low (in secret) because if someone realizes what “he” is doing, trouble will follow.

Well, there’s only a small percentage of trans women who can live without questions being raised about them and even if questions are raised, no one has a right attacking anybody because they disapprove of who that person is.

If a trans girl is clocked, trouble shouldn’t follow, but it usually does, which is a perfect segue into reiterating that trans women should learn self-defense.

Some people said that the victim in the Mickey Dee’s brawl didn’t fight back, that she allowed her assailants to punch and kick her and did nothing to physically defend herself.

That is a classic symptom of low self-esteem. Over the years, I've known a number of trans women who have been beat up by family members, other trans people, strangers on the street and they did not fight back. Did not swear out warrants on people who beat her. One t-girl was severely beaten by her brothers while her mother watched and did nothing. The t-girl should have had her brothers arrested. They didn't think twice about putting their hands on her, so why should she be concerned about them being thrown in jail and getting criminal records? 

Hey, I could go out there and get my ass kicked, but I ASSURE you that I’m going to get some punches in. And I will make every effort do damage.

Back to trans women and self-esteem. Many of the girls have low self-esteem. Which is deepened when they allow store clerks, nasty citizens to insult, ridicule, and degrade them and not utter a word in defense of themselves.
Human beings are not wired like that. Someone insults a person, usually they don’t accept it and move on. That’s not natural. And for a trans woman to accept such behavior from people, I wonder if she feels that she deserves it.

Also, if any person allows such indignities to take place, it is going to damage them emotionally. Hurt them psychologically, which could lead to depression as well as physical repercussions. Studies say that ulcers and other gastrointestinal disturbances are brought on by stress. And a trans person lives with put-downs, criticism, discrimination, familial rejection and all that is most definitely stress. A trans woman can make her life less stressful simply by fighting back. Simply by defending herself physically or verbally.

One t-girl told me that when people make stage whispers about her, that she has to ignore it. She can’t speak out. “Why the hell not?” I asked, totally confounded.

“See, I’m supposedly a real woman. So if someone suggested I was a man by calling me he or sir, I’m not suppose to realize they’re even talking about me.”

She actually said that to me. And it sounds like nonsense. I’ll concede that if they don’t say anything to a trans woman directly, she could ignore it and pretend as if the slur was not directed at them. Some things are not worth addressing. Some fool off at a distance saying, “That’s a man” is one of those things. But if someone is in a trans woman’s face calling her, he, him, sir and it, she cannot pretend that that is not aimed at her.

Also, I’ve lived long enough as a trans woman to say unequivocally that people who instigate trouble with other people are usually insecure and have low self-esteem. Secure, confident people do not go around bullying other people.

And looks are not everything, but ever notice that people who fuck with others tend to look like shit? They rarely look like cover girls, swimsuit models or models for men’s fitness magazines. Most of them are unattractive losers. And if necessary, t-women should inform them of that. She will feel better for it.

In closing, if you allow people to talk trash to you and don't say anything in defense of yourself, you're giving them permission to haul off and hit you.

TransGirl Diaries-The TS-Si Guide To Womanhood Cartoon

I love the trans themed web cartoons at Trans Girl Diaries, and one had me laughing my butt off that deserves to be signal boosted. 

I've written about or verbally pimp slapped the ubermenschen at TS-Si and other Transsexual Taliban hate sites since this blog started.    I reject their SRS=transsexual=woman doctrine that they pimp and the sneering classist vanilla scented racism that goes with it.

In the process, I've become the transwoman they love to hate.  

I can't help it that I was blessed with the intelligence to eviscerate their weak assed hate filled screeds, look better in a dress and heels than they do, have trans and cis girlfriends who love and respect me, an award winning blog and an IFGE Trinity award on my shelf.

And point of order for your transsexual separatist echo chamber, I AM all that and four bags of chips.   If I wasn't y'all wouldn't be spending every waking moment hatin' on me.    

I don't care enough about you to hate you ubermenschen back.  I just pity you wannabe radical lesbian feminist fools.

But enough talking about those wastes of DNA.   I loved the latest offering from TransGirl Diaries that perfectly illustrates the underlying thought processes that undergird the TS-Si posts.   If you don't have surgery, you aren't a 'true transsexual' and you are a 'man'.


Okay, so what about transmen?    Hatin' on the transguys is Lynn 'Dirt' Baker's department

Philly Police Advisory Commission To Subpoena Records In Nizah Morris Case

Interesting news coming out of Philadelphia.   According to the Philadelphia Gay News, the Police Advisory Commission has voted to subpoena the records on the Morris case from the District Attorney's office.  

Nizah Morris was  an African American transwoman who accepted a courtesy ride from the Philadelphia Police Department home from a downtown bar but instead was found bleeding from a head wound that she died from on Christmas Eve 2002.     There has never been a satisfactory explanation to people in the Philadelphia TBLG community as to what happened to Morris and leaders in the community are pleased with the PAC vote.

Kathleen Padilla said in the PGN interview, “I applaud the commissioners’ commitment to ensuring their review includes all available information in this very murky case. I’m disappointed the DA chose to force the PAC to subpoena records that are required to perform their oversight responsibilities.”

We can only hope that those DA records finally shed light on what really happened to Nizah that evening.

British Transpeople Successfully Shut Down Transphobic UK Conference

Did I not stress to folks that the trans rights struggle in the 2K10's would be conducted under new rules?

In addition to fighting tooth and nail any unjust laws aimed at us and demand we be part of the process in compiling any laws that benefit us, we are also going to take control of the education message. 

In other words, we are no longer going to allow non trans people to lie to the public about who we are.

Our British trans cousins have been busy across The Pond fighting a May 20 London trans conference sponsored by the Royal College of Psychiatrists Lesbian and Gay Special Interest Group.


The ‘Transgender: Time To Change’ event by the RCP drew the ire of the British trans community because they felt not only was it going to feature two of our major detractors in the UK, radical lesbian hate feminist Julie Bindel and Dr.Az Hakeem, the RCP's Lesbian And Gay Special Interest Group had no expertise on trans issues.

Their efforts were successful when the Gender Identity Clinic at Charing Cross Hospital, the UK's oldest and most respected trans treatment center pulled out of the event and it was subsequently canceled by the Royal College of Psychologists.


A spokeswoman for the Center stated: “Although we were somewhat wary of engaging in what is essentially a clinical discussion with a predominantly non-trans panel, which, moreover, features a non-clinician (Bindel) whose personal opinion is already well known, we agreed to do so in order that discussion might focus on evidence rather than anecdote. 

“The Royal College should be aware that there is a great deal of disquiet around this event within the trans community. Interested parties should also note that the discussion as it now stands will be one-sided at best.”

Activist Jane Fae, speaking for the organizers of the trans protest said: “The only people to blame for this are the Royal College. They could have had a very successful event if they had talked to the trans community and included people.”

Gee, sounds familiar to what's been happening on our side of the Atlantic.

But congratulations British trans cousins for stopping what was certain to be a disastrous event in your nation's capitol that could have had a deleterious effect on trans policy issues in the UK.  

It also sends a message that the next time you wish to hold a trans conference, start by having the people who live trans lives involved in the planning of it.

Don't You Dare Tell Me I Don't Have The Right To Speak For This Community

Just as you GL folks can, will and do speak out about any anti-gay legislation regardless of whether you live in that area or not, trans Americans have the same rights to do the same thing.

I dare anyone cis, trans or gay to tell me I don't.
Bilerico Project comment thread, April 12, 2011

Seems like the folks who were on the losing side of the HB 235 battle are still in hatin' mode.  Perused this comment from one of the peeps on Dana Beyer's FB page that mentions yours truly:

Did I miss something? When did Ashley Love (and Monica Roberts) start speaking for the Trans people of Maryland and for the trans community as a whole? 

Yeah, you did.   I've been speaking for this community since 1998 in my case.   I also have an IFGE Trinity Award (Trinity Class of 2006) that backs up my ability and my right to speak for the trans community as a whole.  

Maryland surrounds our nation's capital.   I and others saw the danger inherent in the passage of that fracked up bill.   It would have sent a bad message to Capitol Hill and elsewhere that could have been applied to future trans rights legislation, and without the P/A language,  the bill had it become law would have hampered our ability to legally fight anti-trans discrimination.     It was bad legislation, so it needed to die.

Settling for bad legislation just so you have it is never an option for a marginalized group.  

You vanilla trans peeps in Maryland also started appropriating my people's stories such as Tyra Trent's murder in Baltimore while shutting the Maryland African-American trans community out of the debate or a seat at the table in formulating this bill and I wasn't having that.

There was not going to be a repeat of 2001 on my watch.

If the process had been open and not as secretive, and EQ MD hadn't been pushing a disinformation campaign to pass this bill in the wake of their marriage loss,  I wouldn't have felt the need to jump into this mess, nor would have I been invited to do so by Trans Maryland and Trans United.

But back to the point I want to make.   Don't you dare tell me I don't have the right as one of four African-American IFGE Trinity winners and a longtime activist for this community that I don't have the right to speak for this community, especially when my African-American transpeeps in Maryland were being erased and shut out of the HB 235 discussion      

My community stretches across the entire United States and the African diaspora, and when I see a jacked up situation occurring, I am not going to be silent about it.